For the Fighters and the Figurers-Out: I'm With You.

Thursday, October 10, 2019

Photo by Liam Simpson on Unsplash

I haven't written here in quite a while, and if I'm honest, it has nothing to do with "not having the time" to do so -- though I could easily blame it on that if I wanted to. I'm a first-year teacher, after all. When I'm not feverishly lesson planning or desperately plotting new classroom management strategies (because a "class dance party" one afternoon yielded far too many students dancing "the floss" on top of their desks for me to be okay with the safety hazard that posed), I'm usually trying to steal a few minutes with a book, or else a glass of wine and a good friend. And also I have absolutely no stamina for anything that happens after 7pm anymore.

#adulting, am I right?

I told my friend Tracy tonight that part of the reason I've been silent here for so long is that, as a perfectionist, I'm not comfortable with a regular (as in, two or three days a week) posting schedule. There's not enough time, with that kind of frequency, to make sure things are perfect before they're released into the world! I'd rather take my time polishing and perfecting, but then, by the time the insecurity fades and I'm ready to publish, whatever it is I've been writing about has already passed the point of relevancy. And with an uncomfortable amount of pressure in the blogosphere to stay current on world and cultural events, and to post frequently enough to garner an audience, I feel I can't -- or maybe, I just don't want to -- keep up.

But this blog has always been less about profiting and popularity than it has been about simply... accompanying. Journeying. Letting others know they're not alone, and letting you know that you have a friend. A friend who is also just figuring things out one day at a time.

I closed a chapter of my life back in May -- that of being a student -- and now I am a full-time 4th grade Catholic elementary school teacher. And honestly, you could measure the interior movements of my soul over the last two months on an EKG (some super high highs followed by some very low lows, and then a plateau-ish period of relative calm and routine before another spike). I expect to share some -- or a lot -- of that experience here because it's central to my life now.

But this isn't a "first-year teacher blog", even though I am a first-year teacher.

And it isn't a blog "for women in their late twenties" -- even though I am technically one of those now, too.

It is, first and foremost, a place for me to tell my story, and to hope that you, dear reader, find something of yours here, too.

So maybe it’s okay if it’s not perfect.

Because we're all in this together, and transitions can be so scary, and change isn't a one-and-done kind of deal, but something we experience every day if we're doing life right, and you are not alone if, even after taking the next right step, you're still afraid you don't actually have a clue what it is you're doing.

But we are the fighters, you and me. We are the figurers-out. We will keep going.

And yes, I will keep writing.

...All this to say, I'm back! And I'll be posting more (semi-) regularly from here on out. Would love to have you along for the ride! :)

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