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| Photo credit: Arkady Lifshits via Unsplash |
The way I write about wanting to “figure it all out,” and
the way we feel pressured by modern society to do so, you’d think it’s our
sacred duty. That, beyond anything else – loving our neighbor, shining our
light, or basking in blessings – that’s ultimately what we’re here to do: figure
it out. However ambiguous “it” might be, and however unattainable that goal
really is.
I don’t know how exactly the desperate need to “figure it
all out” became the earmark of my generation. I’d argue that part of it is
because – for women especially – for the first time in history, we are capable
of choosing any path we desire for ourselves. And society telling us we can have it all translates to us feeling
that we should. And, consequently, that we need to adhere to a timeline (i.e. “figure
it all out” as quickly as possible) to make sure we’re on track to do this.
But that’s a topic for another post. The point I’d like to
make here is that “figuring it all out” is actually not my job.
Thank goodness.
The “figure it all out” frenzy – or the Millennial Complex,
as I like to call it – is characterized by the belief that I am the one who has to do all the work. I am the one who bears complete responsibility for the way my life
unfolds. And while I’m certainly not negating the importance or the blessing of
freedom and personal choice, I am saying
that as a Catholic Christian, I know better. I know that sometimes, in spite of
my best efforts, life just doesn’t go according to plan. Sometimes things
happen that are out of my hands.
Because I’m not the one driving the bus. God is.
The enormous duty of the Millennial Complex – the need to figure
our whole lives out – is tinged with pride, isn’t it? Because what we’re saying
when we subscribe to it is, “I am more powerful than God. I control my life, and
because it’s all up to me, I need to make sure I’m not screwing this up. I need
to figure this out. And fast.”
Twentysomething-hood, then, is teaching me a new definition
of the word “humility,” one that is in keeping with how I saw “gentleness”
defined in my Blessed Is She Road to
Pentecost scripture study. It defines the fruit of the spirit called
gentleness as being “submissive to God and… humble enough to be taught by God.”
So when we’re struggling to do God’s will, wondering what He’s asking of us… maybe the answer isn’t that we should desperately attempt to “figure it all out.”
So when we’re struggling to do God’s will, wondering what He’s asking of us… maybe the answer isn’t that we should desperately attempt to “figure it all out.”
Maybe we should wait patiently for God to instruct our
hearts instead. Because in something that we see as not quite “figured out” yet
– waiting for our careers to take off, for example, waiting for a boyfriend or
husband, or waiting for any number of other things we seek – God is still
acting with purpose in our lives, intentionally preparing us to become the
people we are meant to be.
I think that practicing humility at this point in my life
means not wanting so desperately to “figure everything out,” but to trust that
it’s already being figured out… by hands much larger than mine. And to be
willing to learn from His mysterious ways.
