Understanding His Abundance

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Photo by Thabang Mokoena on Unsplash

I don't often feel that Jesus is singling me out in the Gospel. More often than not, it's a challenge to puzzle through and glean practical meaning from words spoken and deeds done two thousand years ago. How does this apply to where I am now?

Not today, though. Today I felt I was one of the apostles sitting in the boat with Jesus, stressing out because we had only remembered to bring one loaf and it didn't seem like enough. This is me when I'm worried I won't have enough time to accomplish my latest string of to-do's. This is me when I'm worried about finances. This is me whenever I'm convinced I'm somehow not prepared enough to take the next step.

God knows this about me, which is why I could feel his gaze -- distinct, penetrating, and most of all, tender -- on me when I read these words: "Do you still not understand?" (Mk 8:21)

When I get tangled up in the fear of scarcity, I forget all of the other times God has come through for me -- which is to say, um, every other time I've let my worries paralyze me. I still don't seem to understand that God will always be there to provide.

The exchange Jesus shares with the apostles in today's Gospel could be a conversation He has with me on the regular:

"'And do you not remember, when I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many wicker baskets full of fragments you picked up?' 

They answered him, 'Twelve.'

'When I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many full baskets of fragments did you pick up?'

They answered him, 'Seven.'"
Mark 8:18-20

I can picture the apostles' begrudging receipt of Jesus' gentle chiding. Essentially what Jesus is saying is that He has a pretty good track record of following through in seemingly impossible circumstances. He always provides. And looking at my own life and the things the anxieties that have crowded my mind and heart on a regular basis, I know this to be true.

But still I hesitate. And question. And worry.

As today's first reading reminds us, "...all good giving and every perfect gift is from above" (Jas 1:17). I think the problem is I just don't take enough time to remember them.

Let's begin today by either reminding ourselves (in prayer, in our journals, in our prayer journals, whatever!) of the times when God has come through for us, and assure ourselves that He will continue to do so.

Let's try to understand just a little bit better.

No comments :

Post a Comment